My Smashing Weekend.

In summary, I had a SMASHING weekend, and I felt really happy. =)

Friday Night - Full fledged clubbing
Saturday - Chill out @ his place and supper with his frenzz
Sunday - NUA

Some thoughts that I have within the past two months, I felt it was so tiring being the gf I was during the past years, very tiring, like a freaking maid, now someone has become that maid HAHA, dumped by ME, who I realise is guilty of ALL vices, bleah.. One of my friends commented, "now U know what you DONT want, not really more of knowing what you WANT." So, I find myself feeling really absolut of all these stupid shit now, since the start of 2008, it is like I have been 'released' from prison kinda. Woot. =) People say that for idiots that jump into another r/s just like that, bringing to family and stuff, has totally no feelings or regard for you, I so agree. At least I consider myself more humane, I have feelings...

I had never indulged myself in full fledged clubbing. It was chillout at Brewerkz with Fiona & gang! Dinner also must drink beer one leh, they made me da the whole mug, no escaping. I'm beginning to have an indulgence for beer, I dunnooo whyy... and Zax was like "You're one of the rarest gals I see who loves beer." Haha.. After dinner, I headed to Concourse to meet him for awhile, and just talk talk talk.. Then Mr Zax ah Zax, he came to pick me up from Concourse and he freaking drives damn recklessly leh, but I dunno why I still feel kinda safe, though the rest were grabbing the handles, and I DIDNT OK. LOL. Headed to ZOUKie, clubbed till 4 till Phuture closed, walau the music rocks can. We didn't drink as much as our previous clubbing night, but we definitely got all flushed up and high. After that, it was TEOCHEW Porridge time, haha and that was the time when one of the guys asked about my age. He thought I was 22? LOL. Thanks leh, and for protecting me from the stupid men in the club. And this guy confiscated my Handphone lor, plus all my cards and stuff were with him, cos I was just damn busy with my phone that night liddat. Then I saw a call from someone? WTH. We headed for home after that, ZAX happily was speeding at 160 KM/hr to my place?! Walau, haha but I really trusted my life in his hands leh, usually I get very tensed up and all. Home at SIX. Bathed, smsed my gal, and DROPPED DEAD.

Mommy saw me up at 1pm or so, I was still tired, but I couldnt really sleep anymore at that time. Then she sat on my bed and chatted with me, ask me where I go la, what time I came home, and went with whom... So I told her what I did and stuff, she just said "Hiao leh you.." She cooked me porridge, yum yum, and went online for a while, chatted and stuff, then I went back to sleep again!!! OMG. What a pig. I woke up, after awhile, he asked me over to his place to chill out, while he continued doing his writing, he was sooo busy, but he did mention, no matter HOW busy, he will still make time for me.. Awwww.. I never had that before!!! KNS right? I only had "IM DAMN BUSY. TTYL TTYL." crap.

It was fun chilling out there, he was quite a good host, food lah, drinks lah, and had a laptop for me to play around to watch some movies while he did his writing. We chatted a lot in between, and shared about a lot of stuff, I really like this kinda sharing. I love sharing. Then it was supper after, cos he wanted to bring me to meet his friends. =P Home at 4, talked to Jean till 4+, bathed and slept at 5+. Zzzz... My mommy never kowpeh about me out two nights in the row, hahaa I dont think she bothers abt it anymore also, she knows who I'm out with anyway, that's e most impt..

OH. My FORTUNE COOKIE.
"Let go of dejected memories, it might assist you in obtaining an unexpected but romantic relationship."

FWAH, I got FREAKED OUT when I saw it. Do you know I actually had this cookie on CNY Day 1, when we were still distancing ourselves, but I just didn't feel like eating it then. If I did, I would have been really happy and start hoping. But I DIDNT, and now looking back, OMG, it is like so true. Freaky but happy.

He was really sweet recently, though he cannot meet me much for now, as his publication is due for printing this Friday.. but it is okay, I also have things to busy myself with this week, my social life!! =P Saturday is reserved for moi.. We were sorta planning and discussing about that day, hehe, and he said "I think it will be a good day out, and I'm gonna quickly finish my stuff these few days so that I can enjoy that Sat in peace." =) We were also discussing about some of his plans that he has, from nitty gritty like mobile phones, to his overseas trips coming up, and the upcoming events in my life. I think this relationship is sooo different, it might still be too early to say, but I feel so comfortable now. It is a feeling that I had never experienced before... He asks and respects my opinions, basically respects me as a person, which is good, it is manners as well isn't it? Shows your upbringing.

Was thinking that if I do get attached, I am SO gonna keep up and maintain my social life like I have now.. I think I am already pretty busy with my own stuff, I do not even have time for MASKS. And it is not even revolving around him at the moment leh.. Include him, fwah.. KEEP A BALANCE, it is all about time management. I don't even HAVE time for DOTA, except for the games with Simon and Gerald Teong and his friends. ACJC brat, played a horrible prank on me. KNS. Will kill him when I see him, make me jump OFF my chair, SCREAMED, and RAN OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Almost died of heart attack, and he was soooo damn complacent about it, laughing like an idiot, gloating at me..

Oh, my boss is Good LOOKING, despite being married and stuff. HAHA. Gosh, I'm so busy this week, with only one day with him, the rest, all my stuff.. Actually had stuff on Sat, but it was cancelled. I'm SOOO gonna miss my MELLLLLLLLLLLLL.............................. Here are some photos, my facebook has more.. Busy busy busy, I love my life now. Rock On Baby.

Fuck The 19th Lah.

LOL. That was what he said, 4 days after distancing ourselves, when I asked him about the 19th.
Reason: "...... ........ *mushy stuff* ...... ...... Yes I do like you..."

OMG! He also mentioned that he had things sorted out pretty good in his head! Good, I like this kinda thing, very MAN, not draggy. This is how it should be, if he told me No, I'd have gladly accepted it with open arms and move on. Life's short isn't it? HAHAHA. I'm happy to the moon leh, can fly already, haha too soon lah hor, awhile later maybe. =P

Previously, he had also told me that "If anything happens, I wanna make sure u r the one I like wholeheartedly.. I want to be fair to you.." He kinda understands what a girl would need, or rather what I would need, I never felt all these before ever? What have I been missing out on? I am glad the past r/s failed in his hands, otherwise I WILL BE THE ONE regretting, whether or not I end up with this guy, isn't the point, cos I now know there are better people around. Thanks for saving me this regret, I have one less now. It doesn't matter anyway, to him, I'm always the devil.

And a side note to some loser whom I REALIZED had been reading. I'm glad those who heard the rubbish verified with me and chose to believe me instead.. I cant believe what I heard, this is SO childish and immature, actually pushing all the blame to ME, so he can get her into the picture with ease. I told u right, you'll be with her, congratulations with shit.. My reputation is built up with sincerity, and not with shit like yours. I've no problems, cos they ended up protecting me still, when I had not spoken to them about it, that shows how I TRIED to protect him initially.. This is amazing, I'm beginning to realize how blind I was in the past. So be it, u chose to ruin yourself by trying to ruin me, it is SO NOT MAN and not glam at ALL, pure conduct with utter disgust.

Heart To Heart.

I had a real heart to heart chat with him yesterday night, after I got home.
I think he got another shock from me. Wahaha.. Poor guy, I left him in utter confusion. =P
This is what I feel we had - Communication. More of my part now, cos he doesn't really know how to react yet, yet...

And by saying what I said, I have made him put on his THINKING CAP.
Wahaha, he used to use his cap for his writings and his nonsense crap. LOL, now it will be about ME.
I think at the end of the conversation, we both felt a strange sense of temporary loss.

19th FEBRUARY..............................
IS THE DAY!!!!!!

After hearing what he said last night, my hopes are even higher than before, but I think I'll just let it be.. =) I kept smiling to myself from within. I slept with a smile on my face. I smiled to myself while reading his smses/ my budd's smses in the train today. =) First thing in the morning, I called her and told her what happened. Haha.. She said she's really glad I managed to let him feel special, cos she can totally relate to him.. If I really did that, its a nice thing, I feel..

I hope all things turn out good. If not, no worries. Next chapter in life, here I come! =)
I realized I have taken a very positive outlook in life, and become much more cheerful!!
This is good lah, good for me.. Joanie has grown up.

Today, let's start this off together.... =) I await positively.

Wake Up Calls

It has been a few days since the day I professed my feelings towards him. Haha, but I still am longing for him, though it has been kept in control, cos the hopes aren't there anymore. Like what my budd says, he probably likes me to a small extent, a very small extent, and he probably doesn't realize it.

I told him to give me a wake up call on Sat, he did, very punctually some more, but.. I didn't hear. HAHA, he called me once, messaged me, nudged me. Bleah. Nothing worked. Haha, I forgot to tell him, I always need more than one call. Actually, these wake up calls, started with him, cos of the meetup that day, which he is afraid that he might over sleep and be late for the meetup with me.

This morning, I had an sms from him late in the night, asking me to do him a favor, if it was okay, to wake him up at 730am, I happened to wake up, upon receipt of his sms, and I replied. I was having a nightmare and I was glad his sms woke me, so that stupid nightmare would END INSTANTLY, I really hated the nightmare. Haha, he didn't expect me to wake up and reply, was sorry that he woke me, but I like to think he saved me instead.

So at 730am, which is my wake time every morning, I picked up my handphone and called, I was still in slumber, just got up only, was still in bed. Hehe, his sleepy voice, so cute. I said, "Hello, time to wake up.. mm, k ah, bye bye..."

My budd was saying that we still aren't really treating one another like brudder and sista. Perhaps I should use the term brudder more often ya, I shall start it from tonight. =) He was concerned when I was out drinking on Friday night, messaged to ask if anyone was with me, and whether I could get home safely.

During mambo night, as the guy I'm with just broke up with his gf, he told me to just be careful, cos he'll be vulnerable, and that his hands should stay where they should belong, AWAY FROM JOANIE. Wahahhaa... =P Main point: Just be careful lah.

Saturday night, I actually chatted with him till 4am. omg. How come there are so much stuff to talk about?? Talk loh, talk until happy happy, knowing I have church at 8 the next day, I gathered I shall forgo the sleep and make up for it on Sunday afternoon, when I slept from 10am till 4pm. Wahahaha.. I'm happy lah, I do not know about him..

It's My Life. I'm Livin' It, I'm Lovin' It.

Joanie Is A Brave Girl.

I was talking to my Fiona babe for 3 whole hours regarding this little confusion I had in my heart. I was curious, I actually went to browse my history, I CHAT WITH HIM EVERY SINGLE DAY AND NIGHT, without fail. The moment he comes on, or I come on, he'll initiate a conversation with me, and my heart will beat just by seeing him, hor Fiona, u know what I mean.

I wanted to write about yesterday's meetup with him, but I think I shall just skip the details lah. It was a good luncheon, and nothing short of happiness and laughter, again. I was very happy, put it simply. You know, it is very difficult to find someone who can make your heart beat. Before meeting, we still continued sms-ing each other. haha, cant get enough of each other?

Anyway, back to the topic. Why am I a brave girl?
I did the BRAVEST THING IN MY LIFE, which all my friends applauded me for, and were shocked, when I told them about it:

I PROFESSED MY FEELINGS TO HIM.

I can't believe to this day, how brave I was. I was actually afraid that he might run away. That would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me. I do not want to lose a good friend, who comforts me when I'm down, who cheers me up when I am sad, who makes me laugh when he knows I'm emo. This is the first time I did this to ANYONE in MY LIFE, when everyone else was like "Huh? U sure or not?" But Fiona encouraged me to go ahead, I had to do it (and she understood why), if not I'll just fall deeper in love with him every single day, with higher hopes with each passing day. With 0 hopes, comes 0 disappointment.

He was [pleasantly] surprised, but I think he might have guessed it already. =P cos of the way he spoke to me before I professed to him. I really like him A LOT, though I've met guys and stuff along the way recently, NONE of them had touched my heart like he did, NONE of them had chemistry with me like he did.. Experiencing all these adrenaline once again, is a really wonderful feeling.

Hee, I like my man whose English is powderful, dialects also power, his cheena haha, but some of his phrases that he mentioned, I don't even know it myself lor. Bluff me one. He says his humour works on me so much, cos I always respond correctly for his immediate comebacks. =P Others probably didn't get it, or just simply can't be bothered. It's probably the latter. LOL.

Well, we are still as close as brudder and sista. =) It was mainly to get it off my chest, I knew what the result would be, and I've gained a brudder at the end of the day, which is good, I really do not want to lose such a great friendship. I am NOT a person who LEAVES REGRETS for herself, which was how I handled my previous r/s, leave NO regrets for myself, and I will not ever regret that path I took. Moreover, he isn't selfish like others are, to keep me by his side, while he's unsettled. I'm so glad he handles things properly, even Fiona agrees with me totally, applaud him for the way he handled the situation. He said he felt that was the right thing to do.

At least I can move on, searching for another, though my heart is still longing for him, a tear rolled down my cheek, I slept through the night, with only thoughts of him. It doesn't matter, I shall let it be, until another new someone comes along. =) I'm still loving every day and every other day. Remaining positive! At least for 2008, I have no horrible anxiety, no mental torture, which DESTROYS my health. I'm SO glad.